


Recollection

by pantali



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Comfort/Angst, F/F, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 06:15:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5573927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pantali/pseuds/pantali
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pearl's tree has always been a place of contemplation. Both before and after it was felled, for her and for others.</p><p>Intended to imply romantic Pearlmethyst but could just as easily be read as platonic!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Recollection

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first piece of writing I've completed in ages and tbh it's not great; it feels super repetitive and I don't think I've got Pearl's voice down yet u_u; But if I try to edit this any further I know I'll just end up hating it so I'm gonna have to leave it as the mediocre, soft-angsty attempt at character study it is.
> 
> Just in case anybody gets confused as to why Pearl and Amethyst get along so well when they're younger, I have a headcannon/theory that Rose's death caused the rift in their relationship and they argued much less before her death.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for checking this fic out, hope you enjoy it!

Almost a year had passed since the tree had been felled. The hill had lost most of its majesty now it was gone, but she still hadn’t found anywhere that put her better at ease. If she was honest with herself, she hadn’t been trying very to find a replacement. She wasn’t convinced she’d ever find one. It was their hill, their tree and now it was barren, all because she’d been careless enough to turn her back when fencing. She sighed, running her hand along the dying stump.

“Forgive me, Rose,” she murmured, “I should have been more careful.”

 

Rose had always loved gardening. Even back on Homeworld she had dedicated years to raising plants. It was one of her quirks, the little things that set her apart from the rest of gemkind. Rose wasn’t satisfied with a planet covered by infinite vast, empty canyons and desolate, war-trodden battlefields that littered the surface of the planet like disease on rotten flesh. An inorganic planet. A dead one.

In-between these barren wastes, Rose was able to breathe life back into their dying world by cultivating Edens, royal gardens, paradises. The contrast between the edges of the gardens and the wastes that surrounded them was stark, as if the chaos of war was trying to permeate their sanctuary. But it was never victorious. It filled them both with hope, seeing vibrant, lush, living, plants burst through a ground hardened with millennia of warfare.

She remembered, heart fluttering, chest tightening, the many times Rose took her to her to her sheltered gardens. They never did anything particularly extraordinary there, but they had spent countless lazy afternoons strolling along stone pathways, tending to shrubs and flowers, even dancing on rare occasions. One occasion, one memory of these gardens was particularly vivid and had a habit repeating itself over and over again in her mind. The two of them, sitting on the slope of a hill, surrounded by bushes whose branches sagged with the weight of their flowers. They only existed to be pretty.

Like her. 

The awful sight of those picture-perfect, well-groomed Pearls hanging on the arms high-ranking gems in the capital; the puppeteers of sand that preformed for the army, puppets weaving elaborate, flashy, foolish tales ; the tiny, spindly dancers Rose told her preformed at meetings and summits. The stage that she and countless others of her class danced upon in Rose’s palace. The line of pliant, submissive, uncomplaining clones that were sent away after Rose discovered her secret. They were all flowers. Pretty objects that served no purpose to others other than to give them something soft and pure to project themselves onto. No more than a paper doll.

Her voice cracked with emotion when she told Rose this. The tears tumbled down her face like a ship falling from orbit. She had cried uncontrollably, asked why she wasn’t like the others, why Rose didn’t treat her like the others, why she couldn’t be ignorant like the others. Why had she even been created?

Rose took hold of her hand gently, and held it in her own. How tiny it looked, as small as a star in the vast night sky.

“Pearl,” Rose had begun, her rich, deep voice made higher by her concern, “Don’t ever say these things about yourself. It breaks my heart knowing that you even think them.”

She had tilted her head upwards, to look at Rose eye to watery eye.

“You see,” Rose continued, tone softening, “We’re no different to the flowers in this garden. Some weren’t made to survive these harsh conditions. But, with care and attention, they can thrive regardless.”

Rose’s free hand came to rest on her face, whipping away the tears that wet her cheeks. The pitter-patter of her heart rose into an aching staccato.

“You’re not defective, Pearl.” Rose continued, “This awful planet is. You aren’t beneath anyone and your class does not define you.”

“Do you really believe that?”

“Of course,” Rose replied, smiling down at her, “You _are_ Pearl, not just a Pearl. Intelligent, loyal, graceful, caring. You’re so much more than a title. Please, don’t ever forget that. ”  

Her chest was filled with that aching happiness that swelled and bloomed as the flowers in the garden did. She didn’t know how to express the happiness, the gratitude, the love that Rose filled her with. So instead, she said,

 

“Thank you.”

 

The sound of heavy footsteps and a hum of a laugh.

“Geez, you getting all mopey again, P?”

She leapt up and turned around, hot shame colouring her face blue, fists clenching defensively.

“Amethyst,” she cried, causing her to hold up her hands defensively in response, “What are you doing, sneaking-“

“Whoa, whoa, Pearl!” Amethyst replied, sounding more distressed than defensive, “I was only kidding around!” Her gaze shifted to one side as she continued, “I know you come up here to do all your deep thinking and stuff, I just wanted to get you to lighten up.”

She sighed, releasing the tension from her body.

“Thank you, Amethyst,” She replied, slightly irritably, “But I was feeling perfectly fine up here.”

She turned back towards the withering stump. Amethyst sighed. She sat down. They both remained silent for a moment.

“I know this place reminds you of her,” Amethyst says, softly.

 

It’s true.

She remembers the feel of the loamy earth that made up the hill, how it felt against her hands as she dug out a small hole. Rose knelt by her side, golden afternoon sun casting a soft orange glow upon them. Rose’s cascading curls and pale skin were painted the colours of the sunset. The tiny blossoming sapling looked tiny cradled in Rose’s hands. Neither of them would have guessed that it would one day grow to be taller than them both. She placed the tiny tree into the hole and they covered its roots with soil. Her lip’s twitched into a smile every time their finger’s touched.

“Trees aren’t so different from Gems,” Rose had said as they admired their handiwork. “All they need is a little encouragement to help them grow and they can live for thousands of years. If we treat this tree right, maybe it’ll live even longer than that.”

Do you think that’s really possible? She has asked. It would be wonderful if this tree could but an ornamental species like this one can’t be very hardy, she had continued before trailing of.

Rose chuckled softly.

“Don’t be so doubtful, Pearl,” she replied, “What makes you think that something can’t be both strong and beautiful?”

Her heart had soared again. She smiled, agreed that it wasn’t true. Thanked Rose again.

 

Amethyst knelt down beside her.

“It reminds me of her too,” She chimed in, a sad smile lacing her lips and lidding her eyes, “And you, obviously. I miss hanging out with you here.”

She watches Amethyst run her hand over the stump. The memory of her doing the same to the trunk of the tree hundreds of years ago is clear in her memory.    

 

Amethyst had been unusually quiet that day, as though she had no energy left in her tiny body. She looked from the ground beneath them, to the sea in far in front of them, to the sky above them, over and over.

“You know what Rose told me?” She had asked, looking down at the ground as she kicked at a pebble.

Amethyst hadn’t carried on until she prompted her to.

“Well, I…” She had paused, placing both hands on the tree, “The place I was made, the Kindergarten,”

Her gaze had shot towards Amethyst the second the words hit her ears.

“She said that it was a bad place that was hurting the Earth,” Amethyst continued. Her brows drooped. “She told me not to feel sad about being born there, but I feel really bad Pearl. Did I hurt the Earth?”

Amethyst… her voice was soft and trembling. She remembered the rush of pity she had felt for her, how it had seized up her chest. She had agreed with what Rose had told Amethyst, told her that it wasn’t her fault that she had been made in the Kindergarten.

“Yeah, but Rose said the Gems on Homeworld made me to be a solider that fought against the Crystal Gems,” She replied, shrugging hopelessly, “How dumb is that?”

Dumb? She had repeated. That wasn’t the word she would have used to describe the Kindergarten or any of the Gems that had emerged from it’s now lifeless soil. Tragic, unfortunate, unfair; these all seemed to be more apt descriptions of the trench and it’s offspring.

“Yeah, it’s stupid,” Amethyst reiterated, “I don’t want to hurt you guys or the Earth, why did I have to get made like that?”

She had looked at Amethyst’s forlorn face, felt her own expression falling. How familiar was that feeling of inadequacy to her? She took a deep breath. She took Amethyst’s hand in her own. Told her to listen carefully. Told her never to feel ashamed of how or why she had been made, never to trick herself into believing those things mattered or demean herself by thinking otherwise. She told her how funny and brave she was and how happy being with her made her. Amethyst’s frown had loosened. 

“Do you really mean that, Pearl?” she’d replied, sounding slightly awed.

Of course. We’ve never looked down on you because of it, have we?

“No,” Amethyst had replied with a smile and a giggle, before slumping down next to her.

“Pearl?”

Yes?

“Do you ever get sad because Homeworld made you to be a servant?”

She tried not to let her face fall, to let herself fall silent. How could she answer that question? Of course it hurt, knowing she had been made to serve as nothing more than a doll for more powerful Gems. For years she had felt as disposable as an ornament. Amethyst sighed when she told her this and placed her free hand over hers, cradling her slender hand between her rounder ones.

“You know you’re way more important than a decoration, right Pearl?” She had replied, looking her straight in the eyes.

She paused.

I never used to, she began, In fact, I almost felt like less than one. I wasn't even any good at doing what I was supposed to, I was always too curious, I was bored of just lounging around. The only interesting thing I was ever allowed to do was practise dancing and, even then, you can only follow the same steps so many times. That's why I used to sneak around Rose's palace, I'd steal books and instruments and swords and I'd teach myself new skills using them. That's how I learned about military strategy, how to play the violin, how to fence.

She chuckled.

Of course, Rose found out in the end. She caught me taking a book about the mechanics of ships out of her collection. I was terrified, I thought she was going to report me, have me reduced to my gem and repurposed. But she just smiled and started laughing. She told me she'd noticed some of her things going missing and somehow knew I was the one taking them. I never took anything from her after that; she shared everything she had with me. She was the first person I'd ever met who made me feel like I was more than just something that looked pretty.

"Is that why you became her knight?" Amethyst had asked in a hushed, awed tone.

Yes, exactly.

Amethyst's whispered " _Wow_ ,” was enough to make her let out another soft, embarrassed giggle.

 "Pearl, you know how Rose takes care of us?" Amethyst had taken hold of her hand once again. "Well I think you take really good care of me and Rose, too."

Amethyst...

Her voice had turned thick with emotion and trailed off.

When it returned, weakly, she asked if Amethyst really meant it.

"Don't get embarrassed P," Amethyst replied with a smile, "Of course I mean it. You taught me, like, most of what I know. And you make me, Garnet and Rose super happy."

Thank you, Amethyst, her voice hushed, her tone surprised but grateful. Thank you so much.

Amethyst moved closer and bumped her head against her shoulder.

"You're welcome, P," Amethyst replied, "I hope make you guys happy too.  I wanna take care of you all too, someday."

 

"You already were."

"You say something, P?"

The bark of the stump swam back into focus. She blushed, and waved Amethyst off.

"Oh nothing, just thinking aloud. About my tree and..." How could she articulate how much it meant to her? "Well, everything about it."

"Must have been pretty important, then." Her expression was knowing but she sounded somehow hopeful, expectant, almost.

Once again, she turned her attention to the stump, its sturdiness, its smoky violet bark, its bitter-sweetness.

"Very important."

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Amethyst wiggle on the spot, shift her weight from one leg to another.

"You remember hanging out here with me, don't you?" She sounded as though she was still waiting for her to tell her something.

"Of course, why wouldn't I?"

Amethyst's eyes darted to the side, avoiding her gaze. "You know I meant what I said, right? When I, you know..." She looked at her expectantly.

"Oh Amethyst, of course. How could I forget?"

Amethyst blushed, her face spreading into an embarrassed smile. "Sometimes I get scared that you forget stuff like that. I know I'm a jerk but I really do wanna be there for you. When you're sad and junk."

She smiled back, her face heating up as she did.

"I want do the same. I know I can be a little overbearing at times but it's because I want to protect you. I always knew you could take care of yourself but sometimes I..." She sighed, let her head droop to one side. "I was afraid that, deep down, you'd end up lonely like me."

Amethyst let out something between a sigh and a resigned laugh.

"A little late for that now, P. Let's just promise not to bottle this stuff up anymore. We've got each other to talk things out with."

She smiled.

"We always have."

 


End file.
